dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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