Tell her she can't have a vagina
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
