my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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