it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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