If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
