this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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