Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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