Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
