Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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