I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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