i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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