Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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