you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
