I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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