It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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