Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
