I can tuck mytits in my pants
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
