Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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