I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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