Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
