I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
