I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
