well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
