By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
