You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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