we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
