I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
