He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The feeling are messing with the penis
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
