I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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