moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
