apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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