I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
