she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We need to get me chipped asap
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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