That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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