i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
