I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
