When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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