so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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