oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
