i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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