good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
