You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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