It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
