Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
