My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
