The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
