I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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