Soap is not a condiment
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
