I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
