i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Randomize
