Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I will be naked everywhere
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
