I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
