I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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