She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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