sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
