worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
