well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
